In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue so you could make these jokes.
In honor of #ColumbusDay, take this tweet, put your own name on it, then erase mine.
— Q. Allan Brocka (@allanbrocka) October 12, 2015
You've got to hand it to Christopher Columbus, because he would have definitely taken it anyway & then murdered you
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 13, 2014
*sees someone drop their wallet*
ME: This is mine. I discovered it
THEM: what no
ME *stabs them* Columbus Day rules
COP: dang he's right
— OneTrollTollTofani (@OneTrickTofani) October 12, 2015
Oh sure, make fun of Columbus. Like you've never gone to the grocery store for spices, gotten lost, then murdered several million people.
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) October 13, 2014
Happy "This Dude Came Over And Pointed Out What Was Already Here" Day#ColumbusDay
— Eugene Lee Yang (@EugeneLeeYang) October 12, 2015
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
— Bryan (@scenesfromahat) October 10, 2011
in fourteen-hundred and ninety-two, columbus was a genocidal piece of shit and an asshole too
— mustard (@nice_mustard) October 13, 2014
"Go Redskins!" – Christopher Columbus, 1492.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 13, 2014
the only thing Christopher Columbus ever discovered was Daniel Radcliffe.
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) October 13, 2014
— DL Hughley (@RealDLHughley) October 12, 2015
Had Christopher Columbus known Kim Kardashian would one day have 24 million Twitter followers, I'm pretty sure he would have turned around.
— NotKennyRogers (@NotKennyRogers) October 13, 2014
Only 1490's kids will remember this
*sails from Europe and destroys an indigenous population*
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) July 24, 2015
In honor of #ColumbusDay I have discovered my neighbors house. Also slaughtered him and his family. I was trying to get to the grocery store
— young smoothie 🍓🍌 (@NathanZed) October 12, 2015
Remember kids, you get today off from school because Christopher Columbus got lost.#ColumbusDay
— Corey Graves (@WWEGraves) October 12, 2015
I refuse to write a Columbus Day tweet. Each of my tweets should work on any day that theyre read. They should feel immediate, yet timeless.
— Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) October 12, 2015