The new school year just began and Zoë is already over it.
Specifically, she is fed up with a boy in her class named Noah, who, like many fifth grade boys, hasn’t quite figured out how to flirt with girls in a way that’s not intrusive and obnoxious.
According to Twitter user @WhosDenverJones, a reported friend of the kids’ teacher, Zoë did try to let Noah down easy. Unfortunately, Noah was stubborn and persistent, like kids can be in the heat of their first big crush.
Zoë took matters into her own hands, writing him a colorful letter that laid down the ground rules of courtship, consent, and general communication of romantic intent:
My friend who's a 5th grade teacher just sent this to me! I'm dead!!! pic.twitter.com/FSDBxs9Vtq
— Denny Dimples (@WhosDenverJones) September 15, 2016
Zoë’s letter is obviously cute and hilarious. But it’s also painfully poignant — and, unfortunately, relevant to relationships beyond the fifth grade.
Obviously Noah’s still just a kid and we should forgive his preadolescent oversights. Chances are, the poor kid genuinely didn’t know any better, and now he’s feeling heartbroken and confused. As a former fifth-grade boy myself, I can relate.
That doesn’t mean we should just let it slide, of course. There are plenty of grown men in this world who still haven’t figured out the lessons that Zoë put forth in her letter. But everybody’s gotta learn some time, and a fifth-grade heartbreak is the perfect opportunity to drive the point home.
Let’s break it down:
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